Regrets of Blood & Chocolate
by albinofrog88
Summary: Yet another take on RLTN. Right now rating is for violence only. I suppose spoilers...but none anyone on here who hasn't read the book wouldn't be able to more or less figure out on their own from the pairing and summaries.
1. Haunt

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, Remis Lupin is not mine :( , nor Tonks excellent abilities. Even the title comes from my favorite werewolf novel of all time, Blood and Chocolate by Annette Curtis Klause…great book; anyone who likes werewolves or vampire novels should definitely check her out.

  
Part I

He prayed to a god he didn't believe in, that it was all a dream.

But of course it wasn't…it never was. His eyes closed tight, it was the blood he first tasted: cold and metallic, and saturated in the air so that he couldn't get away…he couldn't possibly get away from it all.

And then the feeling in his fingers came back, and it was the blood he felt: wet and sticky, and again everywhere, everywhere he touched.

She'd been a horrible girl, but she'd been just that: a girl. A potentially evil girl…a death eater in training wouldn't be too harsh, but just a girl. She had been as of yet, innocent. No matter how much blood she had planned to spill, her hands were yet unstained.

And he had murdered her, viciously.

He had ripped her apart, with his own claw-encrusted hands and his own spiked teeth dragged across her throat.

For days afterwards he had tried to at least find some comfort with that if it had had to be anyone, it had been her. But she had been innocent when she died, and he had no right to play the part of a nonexistent god, so he quickly gave up fooling himself.

And it had been his fault, because he hadn't taken the bloody potion. Because of no one but himself he had felt the racking call for blood, and flesh.

So every night for twenty years he relived _that_ night, and steeled himself to feel the same shock, and the same horror, and self-disgust of that night every time he fell asleep. A part of him always knowing the outcome, while the stronger part of him shrieked.

Except this time it was different.

He scrambled back a few feet.

This time when he opened his eyes it was no future death eater gazing back at him, and when he blinked the image didn't dissipate. Why hadn't he felt the body beneath him, was not that of a girl's?

He squeezed her corpse to him then, and howled angrily at the moon.

And he knew without knowing what had happened as he moved ever closer and swallowing back tears, brushed away her own, still wet upon her cheek and frozen eyes. He laughed bitterly, not unlike a friend of his had at being framed for his surrogate family's murder. This girl…this woman, whom had always gone out of her way to make sure everyone was happy, even when she falling apart…this ray of sunlight who had never judged him, or called him a monster, or backed away in fear or hatred, must have reached out to him. Perhaps, he thought, she had been trying to give him the potion even after it was too late, or maybe she had thought he wouldn't harm her.

Strong as she was, she had probably held onto life throughout most of it, probably looked him in the eyes as he murdered her, and willed him to see her through the haze of his animal.

And now the tears came thick and fast, for she had never believed him when he called himself a monster, and how wrong she had been.

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Please Reviw. More coming soon._


	2. Interlude

Author's Note: For sanity's sake, don't pay attention to the timeline, I'm 99 percentsure it's already off. This was originally part of a later chapter, but I thought it fit better here.

**  
Random Interlude**

Nymphadora Tonks had always been good at seeing things objectively. That skill- and not her metamorphosing- was what had first endeared her to becoming an auror.

Two months ago, she was still just as clumsy, and just as multi-hair colored, and just as fakely optimistic, but she had never felt the urge to take such pains to avoid someone-least of all someone she considered a friend.

And being good at seeing things objectively, she knew that something terrible, and all-encompassing that had begun in the back of her mind had circulated through her blood stream, and traveled to the hard shell that she frequently built upon surrounding her weather-beaten heart.

And was now currently knocking against it mightily, and no matter how hard she panicked and fought against it, was now quite close to breaking through.

She felt like retching, and killing, and shagging him senseless until everything else managed to fade away.

She felt like hitting him though he was not at fault, and snogging him straight away though she's sure he doesn't feel the same way, and screaming until her and Mrs. Black cast all other sounds of life into oblivion because why for goodness' sake did she have to fall for a guy she knows won't accept her, even if she does, somehow manage to make him love her?

But that was only two months ago, when she first figured out that something undeniably had changed.

Now she just feels like crying a lot. Something, being an auror, and a member of the Order, and being in love with a repressed werewolf, she won't allow herself to do.

Instead, she contents herself with watching him when she doesn't think he's looking.

And when that doesn't work, doing research on him.

(By the time of her last talk with Sirius about him, she knows her heart's been officially breached. He's slightly drunk, and tells he used to think Remus had a thing for Lily, and all she can do is weep.)

And when Sirius dies, doing research on werewolves.

She tells herself she ought to give up her obsession as futile, even as she makes hot chocolate twenty minutes before he wakes-up, and leaves it on the table in front of his chair. She knows he'll think Molly did it.

She realizes her heart's been officially pierced, when she could care less, so long as he has the comfort.

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Please Review. More to come soon._


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